Easier to run
by Kaiikon
Summary: My first yaoi songfic. Rei try to learn about Kai's past and he wanted to help him with his problems. But can he do that? COMPLETE
1. Easier to run

This is my first yaoi songfic.  
  
Paring: Kai/Rei  
  
Song: "Easier to run" by Linkin Park  
  
Normal POV  
  
"You're here at last! We were looking for you, Kai!" cried Tyson.  
  
"I left a message for you." Said blue-haired boy with shrugging.  
  
"Yes, but you didn't write where are you going!"  
  
"It's not my responsibility to tell you that."  
  
"Don't forget that we are the team, if you like it or not! You could have just told us where you get out! It wouldn't have harmed you!"  
  
"Tyson, calm down." Rei tried to reason with Tyson.  
  
But Tyson didn't listen to him. He just stared daggers in Kai's direction.  
  
"It's my own life and I can do what I want." Said Kai indifferently.  
  
Tyson particularly detonated, even though the rest of teammates didn't see the sense of his quarrel.  
  
"You jerk, Kai! You think you're so tough! I can't stand you! You'd think being nice was a crime in your book! The only crime is that you're with us! Maybe you should just go back home! It's not like we want you in our team! Then again, I doubt you're even wanted at home! What your parents could stand having you around to remind them of the mistake they made when they gave you life? I'm sick of you, Kai! I think we all are!"  
  
There was a hush. Max, Kenny and Rei stared open mouthed at Tyson, who was slightly redder in the face and was fuming. They had the feeling he had crossed way over the line. Then they looked at Kai, feeling tense. The air was heavy between them.  
  
For a moment his eyes narrowed, his pupils like slits boring down on Tyson. His hands shook, the clenched fists shaking by his sides. The muscles in his arms tensed, and he grit his teeth. His eyebrows lowered and he looked as though he was ready to knock Tyson through the roof. Then suddenly, the anger seemed to drain down an unknown source, away from him. His eyes sank to the floor. His muscles relaxed a little, yet his fists remained clenched. He closed his eyes for a moment, and Tyson wondered what was going on, and then Kai turned sharply on his heel and he left the room, his scarf trailing stiffly behind him, and he slammed the door.  
  
He headed toward the entrance on the roof. He stopped in the middle of it and looked up at glittering stars. "Why I always think about it? Why I must flee from it?" he thought. He felt tired and he didn't know what to do with himself. His eyes started pricking.  
  
It's easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb It's so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
Rei POV  
  
I went to look for Kai. Tyson really crossed way over the line. I don't blame Kai that he didn't told where he was going. I'm worried about him. When I saw his eyes, as he turned back and left the room, I noticed there some kind of sadness and sore. I must find him and figure out what is happening with him. Why he is always so scared about becoming close to anybody. I must know it, especially now, when I discovered my feelings to him. I want to comfort him, hug him, kiss him.  
I need to find him.  
  
Kai POV  
  
He found me and asked to tell him the truth. He had to found out my secret, but he don't know what it is. Why I'm acting like this, why I prefer to be alone, why I don't want to talk with the others. Maybe I should tell him. Rei is different from others. It seems that he grasp my habits. And maybe if I told him my secret, he would understand me. He wouldn't throw me aside and despise me. I want him to know me and be next to me. I want to tell him. But I'm scared.  
  
Something has been taken From deep inside of me A secret I've kept locked away No one can ever see Wounds so deep they never show They never go away Like moving pictures in my head For years and years they've played  
  
Normal POV  
  
"Kai, please, tell me what happened? Why you left the room? You know that Tyson is always so bigheaded and short-tempered, don't you? So why are you concerning about what he has just said?"  
  
No response. Rei was observing Kai, who looked on distant skyscraper. Suddenly, Rei's mind drew up with realization. It must be connected with Tyson's mention about Kai's parents.  
  
"Kai.is it something with your parents? You have never said about them."  
  
Kai's eyes widened in astonishment and he gazed at Rei. "How he knows it?" he thought.  
  
Rei stepped closer to Kai. "Please, tell me Kai. I want to help you. You can trust me."  
  
" Why? Why I can trust you? Why I can know that you don't despise me after telling you my secret? Everybody have blamed me for what happened in my past, so why you won't do the same?"  
  
Rei stayed silent for a moment, then he put his hands on Kai's shoulders and leaned forward to look into his crimson eyes. "You can trust me.because.I love you, Kai." Kai look at him with confusion. He was trying to process the idea that Rei actually confessed love to him when it was Kai that secretly had crush on boy. "Tell me your problem Kai and I swear you it wouldn't change anything between us, ok?"  
  
Kai considered. He always wanted to repair every mistakes he did, but he couldn't cope with it alone. "Maybe this is my chance?" he thought. "Ok. I will tell you." He look deep into boy's amber eyes and faintly smiled. "I will trust you."  
  
If I could change I would Take back the pain I would Retrace every wrong move that I made I would If I could Stand up and take the blame I would If I could take all the shame to the grave I Would  
  
They sat on the edge of the roof and Rei focused his attention on Kai, who was looking down. After few moments of silent, he started, unmoving his gaze.  
  
"My father was the son of my grandfather, Voltaire. But he got married with woman, who hadn't been accept by his father. We lived in small house in Japan and Voltaire had never worry about our life." Kai took a deep breath. "It happened when I was six years old. I were helping my father in repairing the car. He was laying under it and my task was to move lever to lower the car. Everything was ok until I heard my father's command to stop. I tried to move the lever, but it was blocked." he swallowed. "I heard my father calling and I pulled harder, but nothing happened. The scream of pain - it was only thing that I remember. At least the lever moved.but it was too late."  
  
Rei saw the small tear trickling down Kai's smooth cheek and he impulsively grabbed boy's hand. Kai continued.  
  
"The car moved up and then I saw him. The blood. His body was twisted oddly. He was dead. I couldn't get away my eyes from him. It was horrible. My mother came running to garage and she took me to my room. I cursorily explained what happened, but I couldn't barely speak. The time had stopped for me. I was sitting on bed with my legs pulled up to my chest and my head lying on knees, watching the emptiness forward me. Then I hear some loud voices at the stairs and after moment doors opened with smash. That was my older brother, Kazuo. He rushed to my room and his hands clamped on my neck. 'You whipster, you killed him! You killed our father!' he yelped. He was squeezing my neck, so I couldn't breath, let alone speak. But my mother rushed to my room too and scram at Kazuo to let go me. She told him that it wasn't my fault and ordered him to look after my little sister, Misako. Then she hugged me and told not to worry." He stopped and fell silent.  
  
Sometimes I remember  
The darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories  
I wish I didn't have  
  
Rei gazed at him with compassion. He didn't know what to exactly say to silver haired boy. Suddenly Kai spoke again. "My grandfather didn't come on the funeral. His son's death hadn't any importance to him." He look up at Rei. "It is normal?" he asked and he continued, not waiting for response. "This death was big blow for my mother. She fell ill and.died. I saw her the last time in hospital. We were there - Kazuo, Misako and I - and she told to look after each other. Then she spoke to my brother, that now he is the head of our family. She smiled to us and then.she passed away."  
  
Rei wanted to say something, but Kai shook his head to not interrupt him. It was easier to keep going now, when he had started. "Our mother's distant friend took up residence with us. She was taking physical care of us, but not mentally. My brother couldn't cope himself with our parents death and he started to drink. Once day I was standing outside our house and I saw that Kazuo is coming to home. I recognized that he had drunk. He started to cross the street, but he didn't noticed the car, which was going very fast. I heard a bang and saw, like in slow motion, how his body flew forward. After second I was next to him. He opened his eyes and look up at him. He put his hand on my head and said 'Kai, I don't blame you for their death. Sorry, I was stupid. Take care of Misako.' He smiled weakly and closed his eyes."  
  
"This time our grandfather appeared on funeral. He took me and my sister to his mansion. He told my that I must get over from depression and he gave me a free hand. I was allowed to do what I wanted, so I wandered the mansion and sometimes trained or taught my sister to play beyblade. One winter day I and, then four years, Misako were walking next to some stream in wood. I was sank in my thoughts and I didn't noticed that she came too close to water. Suddenly I heard her scream. She fell down to icy water. I fished out her and run to house as fast I could, but it come blizzard. When at least we were there and my father called the doctor, it turned out that its too late. I was sitting next to her bed and holding her hand. She smiled to me and.it was end. After some time grandfather send me to the abbey. The rest you know." Kai ended. Then he turned directly to Rei. "What I can do, Rei? I'm.so scared of every I had done. I'm afraid of my mistakes. Sometimes I don't know what to do. Rei, tell me, what I can do? How I can endure this sense of blame?" Black haired boy saw tears in Kai's eyes. "Please, help me Rei. I need your help."  
  
Sometimes I think of letting go  
And never looking back  
And never moving forward so  
There would never be a past  
  
"I can't change myself alone. I must stop pretending the person who isn't me, but I can't do it, Rei."  
  
Just washing it aside  
All off the helplessness inside  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
Is so much simpler than change  
  
Rei grab his hand tightly and smiled with comfort to him. "Don't worry Kai, I will help you. I promise."  
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
## The End ## Please review and I'll maybe write the next part! 


	2. Lynig from you

Chapter 2 - Lying from you  
  
~~I decided to write next chapter. Enjoy. ~~  
  
Kai POV  
  
Nearly one month passed after my confession. We came back to Japan and Rei and I are living together. We spends our time on some walks, trainings and meeting with the rest of Bladebrakers. Of course we talk with each other about us, our plans and the other stuff. I don't know why, but we avoid talking about my past.  
Everybody, especially Rei, think that I'm starting to feel better, open to people and forget about my problems. But only I know, that is not a true. To be honest I feel like threw to some kind of spin-dryer and I can't get out of it. Everything seems to be distant from me and I can't help that I have enough of it.  
  
When I pretend  
  
everything is what I want it to be  
  
I look exactly like what you had always  
Wanted to see  
  
when I pretend  
  
I can forget about the criminal I am  
  
stealing second after second just cause  
I know I can / but  
  
I can't pretend this is the way  
It will stay / I'm just  
  
trying to bend the truth  
  
I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be  
  
so I'm  
  
lying my way from you  
  
I know that is not fair in relation to Rei that I'm not honest with him, that I'm acting like this. I should tell him the truth, but I can't hurt him. He tries to help with so big determination that I can't tell him that this is pointless. How would I do it to him?  
  
[No / no turning back now]  
  
I wanna be pushed aside  
  
so let me go  
  
[No / no turning back now]  
  
let me take back my life  
  
I'd rather be all alone  
  
[No turning back now]  
  
anywhere on my own  
  
'cause I can see  
  
[No / no turning back now]  
  
the very worst part of you  
  
is me  
  
Of course, I don't blame him. He tries his best. The only person, who can be blame is me and my damn memories, which still can't leave me.  
  
I remember what they taught to me  
  
remember condescending talk  
Of who I ought to be  
  
remember listening to all of that  
And this again  
  
so I pretended up a person who was fitting in  
  
and now you think this person  
Really is me and I'm  
  
[trying to bend the truth]  
  
but the more I push  
  
the more I'm pulling away  
  
'cause I'm  
  
[lying my way from you]  
  
I have enough of this uncertainty and this sense of blame. I must tell him everything what I feel. Maybe he will understand me. Even if he not, I will know that I acted fair. I must tell him, no matter how much it will costs.  
  
This isn't what I wanted to be  
  
I never thought that what I said  
  
would have you running from me  
  
like this  
  
The very worst part of you  
  
is me  
  
~~ I'm sorry, that was short chapter, but I will update soon. Please review!~~ 


	3. Crawling

~~And this is another chapter. Enjoy!~~  
  
Chapter 3 - Crawling  
  
Normal POV  
  
The room was lit by flickering moonlight, which fell by window. The night was quiet and warm. The big spotlight of silver moon dropped onto two sleeping boys. The smaller one with black hair was snuggled up to the blue haired boy. He slept quietly and his breath was calm. In comparison with him, the older boy seemed to hadn't such good sleep. He started to tossed and turned, and after some time he jerked with yelp and sat straight in bed. He gasped heavily and quickly, sweat tricking down his face. He look down on the boy at his side and stared to consider his nightmare. 'I must tell him at last." He thought.  
  
Rei felt the sudden movement and he opened his eyes to see Kai sitting straight in bed. "Kai, what happened?" he mumbled, gazing on the watch at his bedside table to see that was 1:30am.  
  
"Nothing, go sleep" he said as he flopped back on bed. He started to think about his dream and his memories came back.  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
  
Kai POV  
  
What happen to me? Why I can't control my emotions as before? I started to feel like after my parents death. This incomprehensible and unnamed feeling seems to gobble me from inside and I can't hold back it.  
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, confusing  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending  
Controlling, I can't seem  
  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced  
there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure  
  
I looked at Rei, who was sleeping next to me. He looks so cute and carefree. Why I can't be so happy? I tried to be normal all the time, but I can't.  
  
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting, reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem...  
  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced  
there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure  
  
Normal POV  
  
"Rei?" Kai asked.  
  
"Hmm." Rei murmured from under the pillow.  
  
"I must tell you the true.about how I feel."  
  
That arouse black haired boy completely. He looked at Kai with surprise and concentration.  
  
"What's the matter with you Kai? You are strange for some time now."  
  
"This is what I want to talk with you, Rei."  
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, confusing  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending  
Controlling  
  
~~ I know, this is very short chapter, but I'm busy, sorry. I will try write longer one. Please review!~~ 


	4. Faint

~~And here you are, the next chapter!~~ ~~ Special thanks to SquirrelOfShadows for all reviews!~~  
  
Chapter 4 - Faint  
  
Rei POV  
  
I was looking at him with mix of disbelief and frustration. How dare he! He said that he have enough of my care of him. That it really doesn't help. He said that in fact he feel worse than before and then he turned away from me, with his arms folded, as usual.  
  
All my past thoughts and memories came back to me again. How everybody noticed that Kai was acting strange and I was the only one how refused to admit it. How I was scared of asking Kai about what's happening with him. How I started to feel lonely and despised.  
  
I am a little bit of loneliness  
A little bit of disregard  
  
Handful of complaints  
But I can't help the fact  
  
That everybody can see these scars  
  
I'm  
What I want you to want  
what I want you to feel  
  
But it's like no matter what I do  
I can't convince you  
  
To just believe this is real  
  
So I let go  
Watching you  
Turn your back like you always do  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll here  
'Cause you're all that I got  
  
Suddenly I felt the unknown surge of confidence and strength. I can't allow him to push me around. I will explain every misunderstandings between us and he will understand it.  
  
I can't feel  
The way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal  
This damage anymore  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
But if he won't? If he won't hear me out? If he will leave me for ever? I can't live without him. I can't mange with my life without him, although he ignores me. What I must to do?  
  
I am  
A little bit insecure  
A little un-confident  
  
'Cause you don't understand  
I do what I can  
  
But sometimes I don't make sense  
  
I am  
What you never want to say  
But I've never had a doubt  
  
It's like no matter what I do  
I can't convince you  
For once just to hear me out  
  
So I let go  
Watching you  
Turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll be here  
'Cause you're all that I've got  
  
Ok, Rei. Put yourself together. You must do this. You must tell Kai that you have only tried to help him. You don't want to be bad for him. And if Kai wants, you can undo wrongs and started everything anew. Tell him it!  
  
No  
Hear me out now  
  
You're gonna listen to me  
Like it or not  
  
Right now  
  
Normal POV  
  
Kai turned back to Rei in surprise. He had never hear such outburst of Rei. 'Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Rei really wants to help me?' he thought. And then he smiled.  
  
~~Ok, this is end of this chapter. I think about doing happy end of sad end. I don't know. And I'm considering the possibility of using songs of other groups. Anyway, please add you reviews and opinions. ~~ 


	5. Where the wild roses grow

~~Ok. This chapter will be different than the other parties and maybe it will have noting noticeable or little to do with earlier chapters. And unfortunately, I couldn't find a suitable song in Linikn Park's repertoire, so I chose song "Where the wild roses grow" by Nick Cave & Kylie Minogue. (I hope you will forgive me). I also had to change some parts of this song, for example 'she' for 'he'. I hope you will like it.~~  
  
~~ Thank you for all your wonderful reviews!~~  
  
~~Oh, I forgot. I erased the chorus because I affirmed that it didn't fit to this story.~~  
  
Chapter 5 - Where the wild roses grow  
  
Normal POV  
  
Kai and Rei started new life. They moved to new placed and started their relationship anew. To be honest, they lived in separate apartments and they meets like the normal couples. Everything seems to be on good way, doesn't it?  
  
Kai POV  
  
I started to meet with Rei like I hadn't seen him before. And I discovered many things in his attitude and appearance that I hadn't been aware. I must admit that I fell in love again.  
  
From the first day I saw him  
I knew he was the one  
As he stared in my eyes and smiled  
For his lips were the color of the roses  
  
That grew down the river, all bloody and wild  
  
Rei POV  
  
Kai became the different person for me than before. He had changed. Now he so gentle and careful for me, I can find support in him.  
  
When he knocked on my door and entered the room  
My trembling subsided in his sure embrace  
He would be my first man, and with a careful hand  
He wiped at the tears that ran down my face  
  
Kai POV  
  
When I'm not with Rei I always walk by the nearby river. There beautiful roses grows and they brings me to mind Rei, his smiles, his lips and everything connected with him.  
  
On the second day I brought him a flower  
He was more beautiful than any man I'd seen  
I said, "Do you know where the wild roses grow  
So sweet and scarlet and free?"  
  
Rei POV  
  
Every moment I'm not with Kai, I don't know what to do with myself. I miss him. When he is with me, I'm ready to do everything what he ask for. I love him.  
  
On the second day he came with a single red rose  
Said: "Will you give me your loss and your sorrow?"  
I nodded my head, as I lay on the bed  
He said, "If I show you the roses will you follow?"  
  
Now I know that I will be always happy and safe with him. With my Kai. With my love.  
  
On the third day he took me to the river He showed me the roses and we kissed  
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word  
As he knelt above me with a rock in his fist  
  
Kai POV  
  
I have thought about it many times and I came to conclusion that is the only one solution. I had made my choice. For Rei's sake. And for my sake too.  
  
On the last day I took him where the wild roses grow  
And he lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief  
And I kissed him goodbye, I said "All beauty must die"  
And lent down and planted a rose 'tween his teeth.  
  
Now, when everybody who I loved had gone, nothing can't stop me. Nothing keeps me to life. At last I can go away from my past and memories. I will be free at last and maybe I will find these who I used to loved.  
  
Normal POV  
  
At the next day somebody found two bodies on the bank of river. One of black haired boy with rose between his teeth and one with blue hair and white scarf tightly tied around his neck.  
  
~~Oh, it was sad. I nearly started to cry as I wrote ending. I decided to end this story in this way, so please don't be angry with me. I had to do that.~~  
  
~~I will write the other fanfic (or songfic), I promise, but it can takes me a while because of coming up school.~~ 


End file.
